The Dichotomy of Control: A Stoic Approach
Control, the more you attempt to grasp it, the more it slips through your fingers.
You demand quiet for focus, but that makes the small noises louder. The talkative co-worker can't help but boast about his weekend. Construction work vibrates all around you and your inner being. You find that you can't control anyone or anything, making you feel hopeless.
“The more you seek to control external events, the less control you will have over your own life.”
~ Epictetus
Stoicism offers a distinct approach to managing things beyond our control. It has five elements that change how we relate not just to things beyond our control, but to the world as a whole.
Dichotomy of Control
Reframing Events
Voluntary Endurance
Focus on Virtue as the Only Good
Self-Mastery Through Discipline
Dichotomy of Control
Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher and former slave during the Roman Empire era, emphasized this concept in his writings.
"Some things are in our control and others not"
~ Epictetus
The idea is to recognize what is within and beyond your control. Think of it like two sides of a coin, one side represents what you can control, and the other side represents what you cannot control. When you recognize this difference, you stop wasting emotional, mental, and physical energy on things you can't influence.
What is in your control?
These are your judgments, values, actions, and reactions to things.
What is not in your control?
The weather, other people, politics, illness, death, and fortune; essentially, everything else.
Taking your mind off what you can't control helps you to shift your focus inward towards what you can.
Reframing Events
A significant aspect of Stoic philosophy is how they interpret events. They see them as neither good nor bad. What makes an event good or bad is based on your interpretation.
The idea is to be "indifferent."
Losing your job isn't "bad" by itself. It's your judgment or reaction about it being a "disaster" that makes it bad. Rethink your approach to the event. Ask the question, "What can I do now?"
This could be an opportunity; you only need to reframe your mind.
My dad was the head of public relations for a prominent hospital. After the hospital was sold to a new owner, my dad found himself being walked out of the building with a small severance package.
He could have panicked and fallen down a rabbit hole of depression, but he didn't.
Dad found an opportunity with the event. He used the change to go full-time into the small business he and mom had been working on. Was the idea scary? Yes, but that didn't stop him from missing a beat. Reframing the event put him into the mindset that changed everything.
Voluntary Endurance
Prepare for challenges and losses.
This practice involves techniques like "Premeditatio Malorum" and "Negative Visualization."
Premeditatio Malorum translates to "premeditation of evils." The practice involves imagining the worst-case scenarios. This will prepare you mentally and emotionally if something does go wrong.
It's similar to the idea of preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best.
Seneca used to practice this by pretending he had lost everything. He would put on clothes that people who were in poverty would wear and walk the streets, imagining what it would be like if he had lost his wealth and home. This practice helped him when he was banished from Rome.
Negative Visualization is a similar practice. You picture your life without the things you value. The idea is to appreciate what you have while you have it. This reduces the fear of future loss, preparing you for life's inevitable hardships.
The benefits of practicing Premeditatio Malorum and Negative Visualization are that they bring gratitude, resilience, and perspective.
Reflecting on what happened to my dad and his ability to pivot without panicking after losing his job, I have to think he must have practiced these skills in some way.
"He who has control over himself has control over the world."
~ Seneca
Focus on Virtue as the Only Good
There are four Stoic virtues:
Wisdom
Courage
Justice
Temperance
Wisdom is a guiding virtue. The ability to understand what is true, right, and lasting. This is what helps you make sound judgments and see things clearly. Wisdom is what enables you to know the difference between what's within your control and what is not.
A wise person doesn't react; they observe, reflect, and respond with reason. My dad was wise with how he handled losing his position. He responded with reason.
Courage is not just physical bravery, but moral bravery. Facing discomfort, criticism, pain, loss, and fear without compromising your values and doing the right thing even when it's unpopular.
Speaking the truth when it's safer to be quiet. Standing by your principles and facing death, failure, or hardship is courageous.
Justice is considered one of the most socially essential virtues. It's about living with honor, acting honestly with fairness and concern for the common good.
This means you don't cheat, act selfishly, or exploit others. All men and women are created equal and must be treated with equal respect. Speak up against wrongdoing and defend those who need it.
Temperance is the virtue of balance. It's self-discipline, moderation, and control over impulses. You resist excess in desire, consumption, emotion, and behavior.
Know when enough is enough.
Virtue
Core Idea
Daily Expression
Wisdom
Know what matters
Pause and reflect before reacting
Courage
Do what’s right despite fear
Speak or act when it’s hard
Justice
Treat others rightly
Be fair, honest, and dependable
Temperance
Govern yourself
Choose moderation over impulse
Self-Mastery Through Discipline
As all of the above align, you build your discipline. Notice how it's associated with the Stoic virtue temperance? Doing what you need to do regardless of how you feel.
Your emotions don't have to control you.
We aren't Vulcans from Star Trek either. Stoicism isn't about suppressing your emotions; it teaches us not to act based on them. This is where self-mastery through discipline shines.
You might feel frustrated over a situation, instead of lashing out, pause and ask yourself;
"Is this in my control?"
If not, let it go. If yes, then take action, but do so with reason. Think it through and ensure the action contributes to solving the problem.
"Do not waste time on what you cannot control."
~ Marcus Aurelius
Life is too short to let things outside of your control stop you. Remember the Stoic practices and virtues; they will guide you to a life of letting go of control and towards a life of gratitude.
