How to Escape Comfort Traps
Image generated with OpenAI by the author
Every day is an opportunity.
We often waste opportunities on Netflix, TikTok, or other escapes from reality. This is the norm of our society. We work jobs we hate, and we escape from hell with these apps or by complaining to our friends.
Exhaustion after a long day is a real phenomenon.
I feel that way regularly. The mental, emotional, and physical fatigue builds from unfulfilling work. This gets overwhelming, causing us to want to escape.
There's one issue…
These escapes, or as they are known to the average person, comforts, are only temporary. While bringing relief, they inadvertently cause us to build dependence on them.
Understanding Comfort Traps
What is a comfort trap?
They are the behaviors used to provide relief from work and stress. It's reinforced by the long-term dissatisfaction in life. These are the things you do when you feel exhausted from a long day at a job you dislike.
A cycle is created as we continue down the path to escape. Dissatisfaction leads to exhaustion, exhaustion leads to escapism, escapism leads to a lack of progress, and the lack of progress leads back to dissatisfaction.
It's time to break the cycle.
We obviously can't just go without comfort. Even if we could, it would be unsustainable, making burnout inevitable.
The key is to focus our energy towards breaking the cycle using tools and systems.
Friction Engineering.
Make it harder to do the easy things.
Friction engineering is a psychological technique used to make what we want to do easier and what we shouldn't do harder. Manipulating our environment to create barriers to our comfort traps, while at the same time reducing friction to our wanted actions.
In layman's terms, hiding your TV remote at the other side of the house makes it harder to watch Netflix, but putting a pen and paper next to your chair decreases the friction to writing.
Implementation
Grab a sheet of paper
Make two columns
Column one will be "Make Easier" (Good Actions)
Column two will be "Make Harder" (Bad or Comfort Actions)
Under "Make Easier," list out everything you want to reduce friction in doing.
Under "Make Harder," list out everything you want to increase the friction to doing.
This is just the start.
Let's take of of the items we're trying to "Make Harder" to do.
We'll use the example I have above. You're trying to make it harder to watch TV. Put that TV remote in a drawer on the other side of the house or apartment. The increased effort makes you second-guess your next action. Do you really want to watch TV? Or should you be doing something else?
The point is to make it harder to do something you're avoiding. Next, you will go through the rest of your "Make Harder" list and figure out ways to increase the friction between you and those actions.
If you're trying to reduce time on apps like TikTok, use screen-limiting apps. Apple iOS has a built-in function called "Screen Time". I have it limiting how much time I can use my problem apps daily.
What about the "Make Easier" list?
These items, we'll be doing just the opposite. If you want to read or write more. Put your book, e-reader, or pen and paper where you would normally put your TV remote. Chances are that's an easy location to reach when sitting in your favorite chair.
You see what we did there? We reduced the friction to the action.
Measure your progress as you adapt to the changes. Chances are you're going to fall into the same old habits. This is normal. Tracking when you're good and when you go for escapist behaviors helps you to see how it's working. Review at least once a week and adjust as needed.
Progress System
Make progress with a system of baby steps.
Usually, we want to stop the comfort traps so we can achieve more in life. This means we have dreams and goals that are more than what we have today.
Traditional goals often need sustained motivation.
A progress system will create the momentum needed to achieve larger goals. This is another way to reduce friction to doing the tasks you want to complete.
Implementation:
Break down one goal into units so small it feels ridiculous.
Think minimum viable action.
Example: If your goal is to write, the smallest viable action might be one sentence.
Create a visual tracking system.
Put these on a board or a sheet of paper; the point is to keep it somewhere that you can quickly view them.
As you complete each item, cross it off the board.
This creates a visual representation of what you have completed, increasing your momentum to keep going.
Check your progress regularly.
If you don't know where you stand, you don't know how far you've come.
This process builds momentum. Each little win makes you feel good and generates the desire to complete the next one on the list. Eventually, you will build from the minimum viable action to larger ones.
The wins help to break the cycle of dissatisfaction.
Value-Action Alignment
This requires a little thought and consideration about what you value.
When actions intersect direction from your core values, they require less willpower to initiate and maintain.
Think, "I do this action because it directly aligns with my values."
It's the "Why" you do something.
Here's an example from my values: I write about my experiences because I find that providing what value I can to the world is important. If I solve one problem in my life, that solution can help others.
Implementation:
Write your dream on a card, a piece of paper, or your favorite notes app.
Ask yourself, "Why does this matter to me?"
With each answer, ask yourself the same question again, "Why does this also matter to me?"
Do this five times with each answer.
You should have a list of up to five "Whys".
Before each action, use this note you've created to see if it aligns with your dream and the "Whys" associated with it.
This is a powerful tool to keep your actions aligned with your dreams. It will tell you if any action might be out of alignment and cause you to reconsider your next step.
As you go through these steps and processes, you will grow, and as you grow, your dreams may shift. This is okay. A shifted dream may be due to finding your "Whys" weren't strong enough, or your priorities have shifted.
Repeat the steps as necessary. As you grow, your dreams will follow.
The path forward isn't one giant leap. It's about taking small steps and adjusting the course as needed. This creates something sustainable for you to follow. Experiment, try new things, and it's okay to fail; that's how we learn.
It's time to stop escaping and to start acting.
